Sunday, August 18, 2013

They call it "Walmart-core"

Apparently everyone's least favorite purveyor of poverty wages and unsafe Chinese made products, Wal-mart, has begun promoting artists whose records they sell (edited, of course) on their shelves.  Metal tabloid site Blabbermouth decided to inform us that Five Finger Death Punch, the latest miserable label-manufactured cock rock tough guy "metal" band meant to cater to Hot Topic shoppers and rural mullets, was recently featured on their website.

These guys are the world champions of douchbag fake toughguy radio rock.

It's brilliant, really.  Five Finger Death Punch is mass produced, cheaply manufactured, and a false version of genuine heavy metal.  As an analogy, Wal-mart shoppers also prefer the taste of Easy Cheese over a nice Roquefort or perhaps Brie.

At least Easy Cheese comes in "Bacon" flavor. 

So my question is, who else fits into this new genre of "Walmart-Core" and is there an identifiable sound or history to the genre?

It would seem that Disturbed would be the alpha-dogs of Walmart-core; bands like Godsmack, Korn, and their ilk fit in.  It seems like the peak of the First Wave of Walmart Core peaked around the time of Ozzfest 2003.

Absolutely brutal.  In the wrong way.

Before anyone passes judgement, go to the next major corporate sponsored "rock" or "metal" festival (like those things that Rockstar Energy Drinks sponsors) and I defy you to tell me the crowd isn't almost entirely lower income white trash.

I think Walmart just struck up a winning formula here.  We may soon see the Second Wave of Walmart-core.  Evil bastards.

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